Friday, April 11, 2014

How's Your "Christian" Sex Life?

I have been reading lots of posts lately on sex within a marriage. My feed is filled with "Christian" posts, secular posts, and everything inbetween for some reason. Well, it just so happens that this is another of those church topics that just burns me up... So guess what? I'm going to write my own post right here. And I am quite sure there will be lots of grumbling and complaining.

Lately, I've written a string of posts criticizing the American church and typical "American Christianity". I can only hope that people start waking up and bucking the hypocrisy. Don't get mad, open your eyes and take a look around you! I can promise this much - Jesus would be utterly appalled by the total opposite way we have strayed from the Biblical church of the New Testament.

That being said - fair warning - this post will be blunt and honest. Too many "Christian" posts dance around the topic and leave you confused and somewhat hopeless. I'm going to try my hardest not to repeat that sentiment. 

Let me start by stating the obvious. For the most part, the sex life of the typical "Christian" totally sucks. No pun intended. 

Why did hundreds/thousands of "Christian" women run out and read "50 Shades of Grey" and buy more than one ticket to see Channing Tatum strip on the big screen? Because they're literally desperate for something different. Something filled with passion; something that satisfies their deepest desires. And it's not happened in the "marriage bed". I'm not excusing sinful lust, by the way. Simply trying to give you a different glass to look through.

Why? Because from day one, their desires have been smothered by a condescending tone that leaves them feeling condemned and sinful in all things sex related.

Yes, sex has been perverted, abused, and misused by media/Hollywood/sex traffickers/criminals/etc, etc... and that is where Christians take a flying stinking leap into doctrines and theologies that turn sex into some kind of semi-forbidden act filled with do's and don't's and rules and regulations that don't exist anywhere in the entire Bible! 

There is ONE actual "don't" (speaking specifically of sex between one man and one woman who are married), and that is don't do it in the butt. (I told you I would have to be blunt) But guess what? That doesn't mean you can't stimulate around the area, or do whatever else feels good, as long as your not taking the dive! I think it is absolutely blasphemous that people actually put their own opinions out there as Biblical commandments. Stuff some chocolate in your mouth and go read the Song of Solomon, with a good commentary, about ten times.

I get entirely depressed hearing most "Christian" women talk about their sex lives. This one won't wear lingerie, that one won't have oral sex, this one thinks fluffy handcuffs and ribbon whips are sinful, that one only does it in one position, this one's husband won't do it on her period, and on and on and on... I could elaborate on each of these topics, but I would be here till next year.

Listen, I understand that a lot of us have pasts. We've done things, and had things done to us, that we never want to even remember actually happened. Some of these things are horrifying, and the victims of those acts will probably always have sexual walls in certain areas to prevent themselves from ever reliving those moments. You are not who I am talking to. I do believe, with all my heart, that God can heal even the deepest of hurts and bring restoring power to your marriage in ways you can't even imagine... (He has done so for me!) This post is aimed, not at you, but at those women (and men) who, for whatever reason, are pushing their sexual hangups and heretical doctrines on others, in the name of Christianity, when there is not a single scripture to back up that opinion (except for the irrelevant ones they twist to fit their ideals).

Real quick, I will touch on the one topic I mentioned about sex during a woman's period. Because, apparently, this is an issue due to a verse in Leviticus forbidding it. This was BEFORE Jesus shed His blood on the cross. Everything involving blood in any way was rule-ridden by the law in the Old Testament. If you don't understand the ultimate sacrifice that Jesus made for us, the atonement that was for the forgiveness of sins... then I suggest you get to studying. This is why we don't butcher animals and light them up on an altar anymore. Jesus' sacrifice was once and for all - His blood paid the price to wash away all our sin. All the laws regarding the blood were eliminated the second Jesus said "It is finished".

All the other issues I mentioned have been turned into problems over the years by people who decided their personal convictions/opinions should also be everyone else's. They try to use scripture, but fail to offer up verses that support one another, and the rule they are trying to push.

Ladies and gentleman. Please quit allowing other people to dictate what goes on in your bedroom! Be open with your spouse and talk things out. Be willing to get past things that aren't really Biblical if it's something your spouse desires. Spend time naked together, and enjoy each others' bodies! Pleasure each other. Sex is not one sided. Don't over think things, and don't bring the past into your marriage. Be honest about what you like and don't like, and NEVER EVER make your spouse feel ashamed, stupid, or anything else belittling, because of what turns them on. 

My husband and I have amazing, incredible, regular sex. We both orgasm every.single.time. (except for when we know it's a super quickie, or the other will get their turn later) I know of women who haven't had an orgasm in years. And men whose wives have never given them oral sex and/or dressed in lingerie despite their desire for it. How tragic! My husband and I get the greatest pleasure when the other is ultimately pleased during sex. And don't go telling me how they didn't have lingerie in Bible times - they didn't have cars, tampons, or toothbrushes either. Again, don't take an opinion on a topic and turn into into baseless doctrine. I'll stop there before I go off on a tangent.

I know a lot of sex issues are not limited to Christians. However, it is the very LAST place these things should exist! God created sex; His plan was for us to "become one flesh" and enjoy the act to its fullest. Don't destroy your sex life by bringing in doctrines that don't line up with the Bible. You cannot sinfully lust after your own spouse. Another ridiculous lie. So lavish them with adoration, fill up your desires with thoughts of them, enjoy their unique bodies and allow them to do the same with you! The Bible says to never turn down your spouse over sex, unless the two of you have decided, together, on a set amount time to fast from it for prayer purposes. 

This post will probably have a part two in the future, but I hope that this has opened your eyes, at least a little, to a different point of view... and offered you freedom from religious bondage that in no way resembles the freedom and passion God meant for us to enjoy as true Christians.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Breaking Free From the Stereotype

I wasn't always a PK - Pastor's Kid. For the first twelve years of my life, I was simply the daughter of a very-involved-in-church-man. The next two years, I became the daughter of the associate pastor... It was sort of a break the ice, welcome to a whole new world, kiss life - as you know it - goodbye stage. Then it really happened. My dad started his own church and I officially turned into a real "PK".

There is a lot of stygma surrounding the PK label. Sadly, a lot of it is true. And, unfortunately, it doesn't just go away when you "grow up". As long as your dad is pastor, you live in that shadow. No matter how old you are... No matter what stage of life you're in... Whether you have your own kids or not. It's with you always.

There are a few good things that come out of the lifestyle. Here are three:


You don't know accountability until you've been a Pastor's Kid. There isn't a designated person that keeps you accountable (like in normal situations). The whole entire church feels it is their God given duty to watch your every move and report your every word. To the pastor. Who is your dad. You can imagine:

"Mrs. Betty says she saw you rubbing on Peter's neck."

"I fixed his collar, Dad. It was up and stuff. Just a collar..."

"She's pretty convinced."

"I'm telling you, it was an act of kindness and mercy all wrapped in one - he was really walking around with it stuck straight up in the back."

"Well, this Sunday at church I'll have you come before the congregation and repent for not avoiding the appearance of evil."


"Watch your tone!"

For the record, that account was based on a true story. Names were changed to protect the innocent. And the guilty.


So you're making a decision. It can be any decision - big, small, medium... And you can be any age. You can be grown and out of the house, but still attending your dad's church. Everyone has a say so. There is no such thing as a small group of elders. Your decision is a group effort. Oh, and it effects "everyone". Trust me. From your family size planning, the clothes you wear (apparently you have a massive team of fashion coordinators), down to the breed of your family dog. I'm serious. The dog matters. Imagine getting one that is labeled aggressive, or even one that sheds a lot, or is hyper... God forbid a church member come and get hair on their dress pants, paw prints, or a show of teeth. 

Also based on real life experiences.


You make lots of "friends". Lots. Like, everybody you know must become your friend. You're automatically an example, a leader, and a role model. No matter if you're naturally introverted, have strange interests, and are somewhat socially awkward. Everyone must be your friend. Unless, of course, you're a snob and are purposely making cliques to leave people out. If you and Bobby Jo don't get along, it's your fault and you should be a better friend. By the way, don't try and tell anyone that Bobby Jo is secretly psycho and talks to you about slicing people up and burying them in the swamp. That's just a story you made up to avoid having to repent in front of the congregation. Again.

What do you think??


All jokes aside. Go give your Pastor's Kid a hug, and tell them something they've done or said that encouraged you or brought a smile to your face. Something good. Better yet, tell them and their Dad. That never happens. It is always bad when someone is whispering with your dad and pointing your way. You'll gain a whole new level of respect in their lives, and I'll bet you'll start to see them in a whole new light.

You see, we live behind the scenes. The good, the bad, and the ugly are all parts of our every day lives. We catch the judgment and the critiques long before anyone else, but we can spot a hypocrite from a mile away. Try taking that log out of your own eye before you jab out the eye of your Pastor's Kid while trying to eradicate that little ole splinter. 

Not to make excuses for all the PK's out there who have fallen off the straight and narrow - God will judge each person according to his or her own sin (they know that by that way) - but there would be a lot less Pastor's Kids falling into stereotypical lifestyles if the members of the church would quit being stereotypical hypocrites. I don't care who you are, when you are set apart and treated differently than "all the rest" by a community of people, you battle all kinds of things. From depression, to anger, to rebellion, to gross indifference. Try dealing with that at 8 years old. Or 14. Or 26 for that matter. It doesn't get easier with age or experience. The faces and the words change, but most people are the same. We didn't choose to be married to the ministry - that was our parents' calling. Some of us grow up and learn to love it... taking up our crosses, suffering for Christ, and following in our parents' footsteps... But some grow up and avoid it at all costs, choosing to be done with ministry leadership for the rest of their lives.

I personally consider it a complete miracle that I am still a Christian today. I attribute that to no man. It was the divine, merciful hand of God that has brought me through the trials and tribulations; to a place where I know in my heart that the hypocrisy of a million people could never change the relationship I have with Jesus. So, finally, to the PK that is reading this - hold fast to this one thing, God is not them, and nothing anyone says can change that. He is exactly what the Bible says He is, and He will never fail you, though the rest of mankind can and will. Never let go of that fact!